For about three years of my life, I obsessed over Lolita fashion. It was cute, pink, frilly, and over the top—all things that I absolutely adore. However, even though I would often spend every last cent I earned on buying myself a new piece to add to my wardrobe, I rarely ever wore it out. I suppose part of that was a confidence issue: whenever I did decide to wear it out, I ended up being exhausted by the stares and snickers and having to explain what I was wearing to the more polite onlookers who cared to ask. It is exhausting to stand out like a sore thumb. You can't really blame people; they're curious or they're not used to seeing someone dressed in an out-of-the-ordinary way. Some people react to this with disgust and others react with interest. However, outside of Lolita I haven't had much of a confidence issue, so what was the problem? Well, I realized after a while that Lolita just didn't feel like "me." Sure, I loved looking at it, but when I actually had the clothes on, I felt out of my element—like I was pretending to be someone that I wasn't. It felt like I was playing make believe as a cute, sweet girl that lived in a fairy tale world; when in reality, I'm a sassy, sarcastic, and cynical woman living in the very un-whimsical state of Wisconsin.
Regardless of my reasons, my love affair with Lolita was not without it's lessons and benefits to me both in regard to fashion and life in general. For much of my adolescent years, I dressed almost exclusively in black. I didn't feel comfortable in color, and I thought it would make me look fat. My attraction to sweet Lolita gave me the confidence to wear my favorite color which I was deathly afraid of actually including in my wardrobe: pink. Lolita made buying mid-range mall store clothes seem affordable("$150 for a dress? That's half the cost of an Angelic Pretty one piece!") Lolita taught me how to coordinate a balanced outfit. Lolita allowed me to meet some incredible people. Lolita taught me how to sell things I didn't want anymore online. Lolita taught me to wear what I love with confidence and to be polite to those who were rude to me. Despite all the important lessons that Lolita taught me, the clothes themselves are just not for me. They don't flatter my body type, and they don't make me feel like who I am on the inside is showing through to the outside.
I still have great admiration for other Lolitas, and I love to look at daily_lolita and see all the beautiful coordinates. I still incorporate some of my Lolita brand accessories into my regular clothes and sometimes look longingly at the newest Angelic Pretty print. But I'm moving on now, and I truly do feel fantastic about it.